which one to watch

recently i crashed at a friends house. i woke up relatively early and decided i might watch a movie before i head out. i found the dvd collection, which is neatly placed on a shelf above the couch where i had just slept. i quickly realized that this could possibly be the most disregarded dvd collection. this is what i had to choose from.

-pulse (unrated)

-drive thru records (vol. 1)

-hidalgo

-aeon flux

-2fast 2furious

-scary movie 4

-big trouble in little china

-bad taste

-open water

-drive thru records (vol. 2)

-urban legends

oh me oh my, so many decisions

hell in texas

the heat in the summer is one hundred and ten
too hot for the devil, too hot for men
go see for yourself, and you can tell
'tis a hell of a place he has for a hell

disfunctional

maybe the guy holding a gun to his head and the pure look of "we really don't give a fuck", on everyone's face doesn't do it justice, but these guys will beat the shit out of each other and burn your stage down. all the while, destroying your mind and body with the most amazing sound.

-the brian jonestown massacre

if only...

...these two men could have survived a government against change, we wouldn't be wanting change now.

church food

(Bryce and Ty pull into a church parking lot)
Ty: jesus, i hate this place
Bryce: dude, we're at a church
Ty: i know (as he stares at the building)
Bryce: are you getting out?
Ty: what? yeah
(they both approach the building as a short husky fellow starts to walk towards them)
Ty: ah shit
Bryce: what?
(the short husky fellow speaks)
Garrett: well if it isn't Ty Gerrard
Ty: hey Osceola, hows it goin' man
(Garret approaches Bryce)
Garrett: hello, im Garrett Holloway
Bryce: whats up im Bryce
Garrett: so what brings you back this way Ty
Ty: (ignoring Garrett looks at Bryce)
Ty: yo, lets get some food
Bryce: agreed
(Ty and Bryce walk away from Garrett as Ty flips him off)
Bryce: whos that dude?
Ty: some kid me and Matt used to beat up on
Ty: hes a youth pastor or some shit now, he sucks my dads turds out of his ass
Bryce: why'd you call him Osceola? (as they open the church doors)
Ty: i don't know, he was brown back in the day
Bryce: he looks Hispanic
Ty: whatever dude, the kid sucks
Bryce: yeah
Bryce: so wheres Buddy Roe? (as they stare upon an empty church kitchen)
Ty: DAMN IT!
Bryce: what dude?
Ty: i think my dads in Boca
Bryce: your fucking kidding me right?
Ty: fuck it, im making some food
Bryce: lets do this
(Bryce and Ty begin sorting through various refrigerators and cubbards)
Ty: find anything?
Bryce: i got nothing man
Bryce: you?
Ty: i got some left over meatloaf, some peanut butter, chocolate pudding, and some kool-aid
Bryce: (with a survere look on his face replys)
Bryce: wana burn one first?

an amazing journey

arriving in quito, ecuador

downtown quito

this guy gave me a vasectomy

time travel

paid 70$ for this guy

darwin's first find

i named this guy zanzabar

our fearless leader and i

a wonderful year

why vallerie? why?

warhol, after the stabbing and shooting

daily thought

today so far...

woken up mid-dream by snookums
say "good morning baby"
rummage through clothes
found something clean and appropriate for 36 degrees
turn hot water heater on
scratch my ass
took shower
looked in mirror
realized i still look like a chernobyl survivor
walk downstairs
brush teeth
put make-up on
walk outside
got in car
came to mothers house
pet lady
yell for sophie
talk to mother
make cup of coffee
sit down at computer...

the opening

sleek and slender guy wakes up on couch scratching and moaning. as he comes to his feet...

Bryce: morning sugar

Ty: (moans while hanging his head)

Bryce: told you not to eat all those xanax bro

Ty: fuck off...

Ty: what are you doin' today?

Bryce: i need starbucks

Ty: that's whack

Bryce: whatever dude. (rummaging around in kitchen)

Ty: (typing on phone) im starving

Ty: run me by shakes?

Ty: i need a burger man

Bryce: nah, im goin' to see my granny in a bit.

Ty: word, tell norma i said what's up

Bryce: yeah. (bryce exits house)

Ty: (gets up and heads towards bathroom slowly. music starts. exits shower and starts shaving. exits bathroom and starts dressing himself. digging around in a bag full of clothes while smelling and examining them all. randomly starts dancing in the mirror and making faces at himself. music fades as he sits down on the couch.)

Ty: hmmmm... (puzzled look on face. picks up phone and starts dialing numbers)

Ty: yoddles. whatcha doin' man? word. yeah i don't even remember talking to her last night. weird. whatcha doin' today? oh yeah? yeah, i'll see ya up there. peace. (lays phone down.)

Bryce: (enters house)

Ty: damn, that was quick

Bryce: dude there is the finest chick at starbucks, and i'm convinced she wants this. (points to crotch)

Ty: yeah, what's her name

Bryce: chelsea or something to that effect

Ty: sounds enchanting

Bryce: haha very funny

Ty: dude, this isn't a tbs commercial

Bryce: (makes weird face towards ty)

Ty: dude... FOOD!

Bryce: alright, whatcha wana get?

Ty: natalie portman's asshole

Ty: anything edible man!

Bryce: awww, is someone mad that tammy didn't text them back last night?

Ty: man... fuck off

Bryce: dude, fuck that chick

Bryce: she shitted on your foot!

Ty: i was fucking her in her ass!

Ty: it happens

Bryce: (tilts his head with puzzled look on his face)

Ty: whatever man, can we please get some food

Bryce: yeah im starving

(bryce and ty exit house together. step outside and approach a car.)

Ty: so what's new with norma man? (bryce backing out of parking lot)

Bryce: same shit, going to church every day and paying my broke ass

Ty: yeah, my dad said he sees her all the time

Bryce: buddy roe still works there?

Ty: you know it

Ty: wana go up there and score some free church food?

Bryce: im totally down

an old piece

its 5:27 pm on tuesday january 5, 2010. im bored, broke, and jobless. my life is finally complete.